Audit Slam Poetry

Creativity is part of our approach to innovation. And we take it very seriously.

One of the surprises in the morning session of the First Assembly, was the audit slam poem by Tim Merry, who eloquently captured the key themes and insights from the Audit Cafe.

 

…so, how about that for innovation

the creation…. like I’ve said:

the train’s already left the station

‘cos there are no more prizes

for predicting the rain, the pain.

There just prizes for building the arcs,

new starts…

 

Tim’s poem inspired others to write and recite witty poems:

 

An old audit partner said ‘damn’ I’m really concerned I now am

A creature that moves

In predestinate grooves

Not a bus, not a bus, but a tram.

 

There’s IFRS with its rule

And ISAs that really aren’t cool Each box must be ticked

Or else I’ll get nicked

I might just as well be at school

Adapted by Stella Fearnley

 

Malcolm Bacchus brought skillful political satire into our exotic expression of audit:

 

 

As these days it has happened and a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list,
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
 And who never would be missed. They never would be missed.

All those who claim to understand what is IFRS,
Those who turned accounting sense into accounting mess;
There are those who do discounting as if it’s meaningful,
But can’t remember how to do the sums they learnt at school,
And that academic oddity, the accounting specialist –
I’m sure they’d not be missed, they’d none of them be missed.

And Such-and-Such and so and so with BSB and Sky;
The tabloid journalist – I know he’d not be missed.
Regulators who can’t regulate but think they ought to try.
They’d none of them be missed, they’d none of them be missed.

And then there’s those who run the banks and muddle with LIBOR
The ones who sold expensive loans but only to the poor.
The one who thinks he’s really worth his million dollar pay
But lending to small companies isn’t something for today.
They drive off in Ferraris and on champagne get pissed –
Let’m go to their tax havens for they never would be missed.

 The party politicians who have caused this awful mess
– and the Government specialist. I’ve got him on the list!
They don’t understand the people and they really don’t care less.
They never would be missed, they never would be missed.

Chancellors who do u-turns and MPs who are such bores –
Whose legislation’s failed us but still think we need more laws.
The one who works behind the scenes but says he never speaks
You know the people who I mean – they’re shamed on Wiki-leaks.
It seems that there are endless names to put upon the list
But it really doesn’t matter – for they’d none of them be missed.

 
(C) Malcolm Bacchus with thanks to W S Gilbert, to the music, quite unsurprisingly, of Sir Arthur Sullivan.
July 2012